Romantic Escapades with Mrs Norris
by dellinquent
Summary: "Alright. See that star over there? That's you." "…" "…" "…Actually, James, that's literally Sirius, but it's nice you tried." "Okay, now I made myself look like a prat." (James and Lily's fifth date - Dialogue Piece)


**ROMANTIC ESCAPADES WITH MRS. NORRIS**

_or_ _James and Lily's fifth date_

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"James, we're in the middle of patrols."

"Yeah. Come on."

"Do you understand words or is it all just a lot of noise to you?"

"All gibberish. Wait."

"What?"

"Just wait."

"…"

"Alright, let's go."

"What was that?"

"Filch's cat, I think."

"Brilliant. That's all we needed… Let's just go back."

"Come on, Lily, we're almost there."

"We're almost _caught, _you mean. What if she comes back?"

"In that case, we'll just have to let her take part in our romantic escapade."

"That was so not funny."

"Oh, but you're laughing."

"Of course I am. You just suggested we have a, I quote, romantic escapade with _a cat_."

"So?"

"How do you even come up with these things?"

"Once you hang out with Sirius for seven years, it's like an instinct."

"An _instinct_?"

"Yeah. Saying stuff like that is pretty much like sneezing to me right now. Except with words."

"So you're calling this 'sneezing words'?"

"Indeed."

"You're strange, Potter."

"Guess that's better than arrogant bullying toerag, am I right?"

"Oh, let that go."

"Never. How did _you_ ever come up with that?"

"I happen to have a very varied vocabulary."

"Oh, Merlin. So you were the one who swallowed Dragomirov's dictionary."

"Actually, if I remember well, you and your friends were the ones huddled in a corner of the Common Room, laughing, as the poor girl tried to find it by herself because nobody understood what she was trying to say."

"Yeah, that was funny."

"…"

"I mean it was mean… But also funny, admit it."

"…Alright, just a bit."

"Told you. Also, we're here."

"And where exactly is 'here'?"

"I present you… the Astronomy Tower."

"…James, we've been here countless times before for class."

"Well, that was only for stargazing."

"Oh? And what are we going to do now?"

"…Erm… Stargazing?"

"You're really strange."

"You've told me, remember?"

"Well, you are."

"…"

"…"

"Come here, will you?"

"James, what are you trying to do?"

"Stargaze?"

"You don't like stargazing."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you have a tendency to say 'This is so boring' fifteen minutes into every Astronomy class."

"Ah, I forgot I do that. But that's class. It's different with only the two of us here."

"Why?"

"I'm not really sure. I was trying to be romantic."

"You're—"

"You've said it before. Now come here."

"…"

"…"

"I suppose this _is _rather nice…"

"Oh, good. Sirius kept insisting on the fact that my elbows are too sharp for comfort."

"…I'm not sure if I should assure you your elbows are fine, or if I should question the fact you indirectly admitted to cuddling with Sirius."

"What? We didn't cuddle."

"…"

"No, really, we didn't."

"…"

"We did once, but we were too drunk to remember anything."

"…."

"_Lilyyyy…_You're ruining the mood. I really don't want to think about cuddling with my best mate on our fifth date."

"…You've kept track?"

"I… Yeah. I guess that makes me sound sort of like an idiot, right?"

"No. No, no. That's actually very sweet."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh… Padfoot told me it's really creepy and obscenely sappy."

"Is every bit of relationship advice you've got from _Sirius_?"

"Well, my only other option is Wormtail…"

"What about Remus?"

"The only relationship advice he'd give me is 'Better not'."

"Better not what?"

"Just better not."

"…Ah. That's a shame."

"Why, Lily. If I didn't know better, I'd say you fancy my mate."

"Oh, you've caught me. Our whole relationship has been just a ploy so I can get close to Remus, kidnap him and hold him hostage in the wine cellar."

"How you hurt me so, my dear Lily. All that snogging behind statues with me so you can get into Moony's pants."

"I am prepared to make sacrifices for my one true love."

"But, you know… It would break my heart if you ran off with one of my best mates…"

"I am sure you will find love in the arms of the one you secretly desire…"

"Professor McGonagall?"

"…I was going to say Sirius, but if you're into that—"

"I don't fancy Padfoot."

"Yes you do. Stop butchering my fantasies."

"…You fantasize about me snogging my best mate?"

"Merlin, James. Are you actually taking me seriously?"

"Of course not. I'm just humouring you."

"Well, then, I still think you and Sirius should run off and find love like you only see in films."

"In what?"

"You should've taken Muggle Studies."

"What are films?"

"They're like Wizard Pictures, but with sound. I'll take you to see one if you ever visit."

"…You're adorable, you know that?"

"Yes, I'm being told on a daily basis."

"Well, good. Because you are."

"…"

"…"

"Was that a falling star?"

"…Hm? Yeah, I guess so."

"When I was little, I used to look out for these, you know. Especially when my grandmother came over."

"You liked watching falling stars with your grandmother?"

"I think it wasn't really watching the stars that I liked, but the stories she'd come up with it."

"I thought Muggles made a wish when they saw a falling star."

"That's what most do, yes."

"Well, they don't actually work, right?"

"No, but it's a Muggle kind of magic, I guess."

"You and your grandmother never wished for anything?"

"No. She used to tell me that falling stars represented people dying."

"That's a little dark for a bedtime story."

"I liked it, actually. We'd look out the window and she'd make up a whole story about the person that died. Sometimes, she let me do the stories."

"…"

"…"

"You know, I used to look at the stars, too, when I was a kid."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I couldn't sleep at night, you see, so when mum got me into bed and turned off the lights, I just went to the window and sometimes I tried to count them. When she came back the next day, my mum, she always found me dozed off on the floor."

"Poor woman. You must've given her a lot of trouble."

"Very funny, Lily."

"One of your favourite things about me is my honesty, remember?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"If falling stars are dead people, does that mean that the other stars are alive?"

"My grandmother and I never talked about the alive ones, actually, but if you go with that logic, yes."

"So, up there, in the sky, there are stars enough to represent everyone in Hogwarts."

"Much more than everyone in Hogwarts, James."

"Yeah, but, when you think about it, that means there's two certain stars out there, part of the same constellation. Our stars."

"You're not seriously going to find two stars and name them ours, are you?"

"…"

"Merlin's beard, you _are _going to."

"Well, it's all in good fun, right? Maybe we'll remember this when we're old and laugh about it."

"You really think we're going to grow old together?"

"Don't you?"

"…"

"…"

"Have you found those stars, though?"

"Yeah. See that one over there?"

"Not unless you find a way to merge your body with mine."

"This one."

"I see it."

"That's my star."

"How am I supposed to remember where it is, James?"

"With the risk of making myself look like a prat, I must say—follow your heart, dearest Lilyflower."

"That nickname is horrible."

"I know. And if you want to remember my star, look a bit closely at the ones around it. They kind of look like Moony's arse, since he's your eternal love."

"_James._"

"Just kidding, Lily. Honestly."

"And where is mine?"

"Your what?"

"Star."

"…"

"…"

"Alright. See that star over there? That's you."

"…"

"…"

"…Actually, James, that's literally Sirius, but it's nice you tried."

"Okay, _now _I made myself look like a prat."

"Well, the intention was sweet."

"…What?"

"…"

"What's so funny?"

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, it's just that—"

"…Lily, seriously— Lily, stop laughing and tell me what it is."

"I think we should break up."

"…What?"

"I'm afraid that's the only way. When you look at me, you're thinking of him—"

"Oh, Merlin. Not this again. Lily, stop."

"It pains me _oh so greatly—"_

"The joke's got old, Lily."

"—to know that I am not the one and your heart strays far from this Tower—"

"…"

"…"

"I thought we agreed on no surprise kisses?"

"That was only in emergency cases—like one of our mates holding onto us for dear life."

"Mary still holds a grudge on you for that one."

"You know, Lily? I really don't mind hearing you talk—you have a nice voice and everything, but I think we should stop talking about our best friends on our dates."

"And what should we talk about?"

"I don't know… What do we usually talk about on our dates?"

"We usually don't talk too much."

"…Oh, right."

"Yeah… But I've been meaning to ask you a question, actually."

"Shoot."

"How did you end up liking me?"

"…Seriously?"

"Mhm-mhm. I mean, I know around where it started since you started obnoxiously asking me out in third year—"

"Now, obnoxious wouldn't really be the word I'd pick…"

"—but I never understood why, since I never actually gave you the time of the day before."

"Well, it started out as physical attraction since you were very pretty and _very _noticeable."

"Fair enough."

"And then, do you remember third year?"

"If you'd be more specific…?"

"After a Hogsmeade trip. You helped up that first year girl who tripped on the trick step and hurt her knee. And then you gave her your Honeydukes bag."

"It was just sweets."

"Yeah, but to me it meant a lot. Especially when you smiled at the first year before leaving. You were really pretty when you smiled. You still are."

"…"

"And I guess a part of me wanted to see you smile for me, too."

"Aw, James…"

"'Course, I didn't know how to actually do that, so I ended up being an imbecile and making you mad."

"Oh, shut up."

"Well, I did. People started making serious galleons for ear plugs in the Common Room."

"If you told me about that two years ago I would've probably hexed you into next Friday, but now it's actually funny. Were we really that bad?"

"We made little Emma Moon cry once."

"I could've lived without knowing I successfully terrified first years since I was fourteen."

"…What?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"It's just that… Was it really minutes ago we were joking about you fancying Sirius? Since we've got to talking about why you started fancying me. Hold on, have we done actual stargazing?"

"Yes. Then you ruined it with a joke about me fancying Sirius."

"You walked right into it."

"How was I supposed to know that was Sirius?"

"How could you_ not_ know? It's the brightest star."

"Which is why I chose it for you."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Ow."

"Wait, James—ow, ow, ow, OW!"

"…"

"…"

"Okay, let's never make out on the Astronomy Tower ever again."

"I think you pulled out my hair. And my _eyes_."

"If it comforts you, you almost broke my leg."

"No, that's not really comforting. Are you alright?"

"Yes. Your eyes and hair are still in place?"

"They are. And I think this was right on time. We should really head to the dorms."

"But we're having so much fun accidentally killing each other."

"Come on, you idiot."

"That's not really nice, Lily."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"No reason. Hogsmeade, next time?"

"If we get to the dorms without any trouble, most certainly. Come on."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Okay, now honestly. Who told you to take me stargazing?"

"Well…Marlene."

"I knew it. Wait, are we talking about Marlene the Quidditch player—"

"Marlene the tramp."

"Oh."

"…"

"Wait. James, that's really rude!"

"But not untrue."

"She's really nice, actually."

"I never said she _wasn't._ I just said she was a tramp."

"Git."

"But still _your_ git."

"True."

"…Do I try to kiss you now or am I just gonna end up smooching the statue behind you?"

"Come here, you prat."

"Gladly."

"…"

"…"

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Meow."

"…"

"…."

"…Shit."

* * *

**AN: **

**Hello! I'm Dell, I'm new here, and this is the first time I've ever attempted an all-dialogue piece (because dialogue is, I believe, my weakest point writing-wise besides lack of commitment). I think I've done quite well, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Reviews would be nice, if you please? v u v**


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